Track unconverted device list outbound pokes using a position instead (#14516)

When a local device list change is added to
`device_lists_changes_in_room`, the `converted_to_destinations` flag is
set to `FALSE` and the `_handle_new_device_update_async` background
process is started. This background process looks for unconverted rows
in `device_lists_changes_in_room`, copies them to
`device_lists_outbound_pokes` and updates the flag.

To update the `converted_to_destinations` flag, the database performs a
`DELETE` and `INSERT` internally, which fragments the table. To avoid
this, track unconverted rows using a `(stream ID, room ID)` position
instead of the flag.

From now on, the `converted_to_destinations` column indicates rows that
need converting to outbound pokes, but does not indicate whether the
conversion has already taken place.

Closes #14037.

Signed-off-by: Sean Quah <seanq@matrix.org>